Do you still have your period?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
