you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
