Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
