When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
