We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I licked your asshole in confidence.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
