woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
