the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
