At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
