What did we do last night that was yellow?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
