You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
