Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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