I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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