My liver just broke up with me...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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