He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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