At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
