Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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