sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize