He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize