Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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