My nipple is on Facebook.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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