Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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