guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
