They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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