it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
