There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
