So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
