I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm bleeding and have questions
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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