What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
