she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
