drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
