Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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