im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
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