Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He passed out mid-signature
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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