she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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