i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
