Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
