You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
