Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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