i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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