I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
