I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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