drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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