Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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