I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
