there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
my liver is dry heaving
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
