Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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