I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
