He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
