my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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