Don't make out with my wife yet
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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