Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
