i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
