I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
