Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
