The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
