I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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