One girl and one boy is just not enough.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
