just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
