you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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