ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
