Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
