I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
