She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
