uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize