sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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