Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
