the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
