Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
