distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
