also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize