So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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