we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
this will be a night to untag.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
